I have recently set up a LiveJournal, and as such, I don't think I'll be writing on here as much, which wasn't very often anyway. Then again, I may post on here occasionally just to keep things updated about my poetry.

Some major things have gone down with Alex since my last post, and I'm very confused right now. In a time when he wasn't talking to me, ignoring my letters, and being gone most of the time, I gave up hope. I thought that he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. A whole week went by, and then, I got a message from this guy who goes to school here. He's on a study abroad trip in Germany with one of my friends, and apparently, he watched a few of her videos on YouTube, which I just happened to be in. So he sends me a message, telling me that he saw me in the videos and that he thinks I'm cute. Naturally, I'm blown away. Not even Alex has ever told me that I was cute. I'm pretty sure that Alex's feelings for me are more based on my personality and my soul; not my looks.

So this guy, who I'll leave nameless for now, because I don't think it's right to name him without permission, begins talking to me over Facebook. We sent messages back and forth for a while. Flirting on both sides occurred. One night, in Facebook chat, he finds out that I'm finishing up the writing of my novel. The fact that I'm a "writer" surprises him, and he tells me that he think it's sexy. lol, and of course, I'm flattered.

So, we're eating lunch together on Monday next week. I'm really excited.... or, I was.

An hour after we made plans for lunch and he went to bed, I logged out of Facebook and went to the library. I came back with dinner, and about that time, Alex comes back. I go outside to throw away my trash and to talk to Tommy on the phone about what's going on with me and the new guy (lol). I tell Tommy that I'm kinda sad, because Alex is the guy that I had imagined dating someday, but now he's not talking to me and stuff. Meanwhile, there's this new guy, whom I've never met in person, and yet we're able to talk like we've known each other for a long time. I'm not dating Alex right now, nor are we committed to each other, but I still feel kinda bad about the whole situation.

To make matters worse, and I even predicted this at the end of my conversation with Tommy, when I came back to my room, Alex was sitting on his bed, and he said that he needed to talk to me. My heart sank. Now, of all times possible in the space-time continuum, Alex want's to talk. Now, I'm not going to get upset about Alex finally talking to me, but his timing is impeccable. He tells me that he feels bad because I slept in the bathroom the other night when Alex had already gone to sleep. It was 5am, and I didn't want to wake him up, but Alex told me that I should wake him up if I need help getting into bed. I'm just in shock, and I can't believe that my life, in a matter of minutes, feels like a soap opera. Alex then asks me if I want to do something for my birthday, which is in 6 days. I tell him that I'd love to, and then we have some small talk before I finally have him put me to bed.

Now, I'm totally torn, because if Alex starts talking to me and making an effort to build a friendship, and possibly an eventual relationship, then I want to be involved. But I've already made plans with, and indicated that I like this new guy, and he has no idea about Alex.... yet. I'm going to tell him the next time we talk, even if it's when we eat lunch on Monday. I'm not hiding anything here, even though I feel really bad and nervous about the whole situation. I didn't mention Alex to the other guy before, because I seriously thought that Alex was never going to talk to me again. Alex never responded to a 4-page note to him that I wrote in which I said numerous times that I need him to start talking to me and telling me what's going on, even if he needed to say that I needed to leave him alone and give him space. When he didn't respond to that, I assumed it was taken badly and that we'd never be friends. I was going to mention Alex to the other guy anyway, but when the time was right. Now that Alex seems to be making an effort to talk, the time is now.

This really isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be, I guess, but even though I'm not committed to Alex, I feel like I am, in a small way. He has been the person I've dreamed about for the past two months. Now, I've decided to seek someone else. I know it's possible to have feelings for more than one person, but I don't know if I'm prepared to decide between two people. I don't think it's fair to any party involved. Oh this is going to be one of the most interesting summers of my life.

I apologize to both guys right now. This wasn't supposed to get this complicated.

Until next time,

OH WAIT!

My LiveJournal is here, in case anyone wants to start following it:

[link]

And now,

Laters!
-Jon